I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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