Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
