i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
