He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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