hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
