no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
