i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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