you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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