i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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