im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
