he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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