Swine flu. Run for my life!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
