So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
