**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
