Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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