I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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