Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
