Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
