I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
