i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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