My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
