Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
