I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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