Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
