Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
