I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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