My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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