Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
