CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
