how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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