Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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