I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
