from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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