people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
did i just pee glitter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
