Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
