I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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