how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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