1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
