found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
