She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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