ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
