yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
