Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My penis needs a shock collar
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
