Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
