I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sober January is a disaster.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
