Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
