Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
