she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
