My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dicks are not precious.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
