how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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