The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
