You can't special order awesome
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there is glitter all over my balls
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
