imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
