I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
